Time to Breathe - Almost Through!

Wow! It's been so long since I've posted that the whole Blogger set up has changed. I suppose that should tell me something. I feel as though I'm in a foreign land, trying to navigate through something that I used to find quite familiar. I will say, however, that my absence from this space has been filled by many other activities, the most important of which was my art exhibition to finish out my degree. It went off without a hitch, and after two hours of my nerves keeping me anywhere buy near my designated space, I finally calmed down and felt comfortable enough to talk with people. This was one of those moments that I wished I had taken the many, many opportunities to show at other locations during my time in school. I think it would've helped alleviate a good portion of my anxiety. I have shown work prior to this exhibition, but there was little expected of me, and they were typically very causal places so it didn't bother me (at least too much) to have work hanging.

This little pigeon was hanging out in another individual's artwork, but blended quite nicely

I was extremely fortunate to have many friends and family on hand who kept me from running out a back door during the show. My brother came in from Australia, which was really fun, and I had the opportunity to see friends I haven't seen in many months. Truly, the best part of the exhibition was having the opportunity to watch people reacting to the work. I can see how it would be quite addictive!

The pigeons were all over the gallery space, even in others' art, but a couple of sections had faux-droppings, and pigeon sounds were found in this area as well.
(My apologies about the quality of photos... of course, no good camera was on hand.)

After the exhibition on Friday evening, I had the not-so-fabulous pleasure of meeting with my oral review board to defend my work. As it was explained to me, I would talk for 10-15 minutes, and then the board would ask questions as they saw fit. I was so nervous about it that I had to write out nearly everything I intended to say and go over it so many times that anyone should've been able to remember it easily. What ended up taking place was far less of a speech, and much more of a defense than I ever thought possible. Still, I lived to fight another day, and also reconfirmed for myself that I definitely don't belong among the pretentious portion of the art world. This is not to say that I won't produce art, but I definitely have no intention of trying to mold myself into what they see as a "proper fine artist," and will instead continue on doing my "coffee shop art." (<--- This is a direct quote from the board.)

Kickboxing has continued on for me as well, and I'm really enjoying the class (I know Melanie and Sam are playing along, but if anyone else wants to join in or has been participating silently in our self-motivated games/contest, May 1st is almost here, which will be our first check in date). I seem to be getting stronger, even discovering muscles I never knew existed, and am realizing how much potential I actually have to improve (that is code for "this class is tough"). I'm also still riding my bikes, as I hope everyone else is continuing to do. My rides haven't been long, but I hope that will change in the next couple of weeks as I wrap things up at school.

Oh, and if you're local, the Farmer's Market Bike Valet will be coming back early (due to popular demand) on Saturday, May 5th, so ride your bike and we'll all be happy to park your ride for you while you do your shopping.

Struggling Already?

I have been logging calories and exercise for about a month now (today is actually day 32, as I just calculated), and I have been somewhat consistently losing during that time. A little over two weeks ago, I decided that I had to get back to the gym. Just five years ago I had made a habit of being at the gym 5-6 days a week and in the last year to a year and a half, it all fell apart. What gives? I thought something was a habit if you had done it routinely for a year? 

I know very well what happened - boredom. While many people crave routine and hate change, I am not one of them and if I don't keep things interesting, I have no desire to exercise. I have kept up riding my bike, but I honestly don't count that as exercise, but rather just something I enjoy. A kickboxing class that had been presented to me over a year ago, re-presented itself and I couldn't say no. So, for the last couple of weeks I've been doing that instead of the gym. I am hopeful that it is going to provide motivation for me to get back to the gym, or at least to exercise. While the class is wonderful and tones, strengthens and provides cardiovascular work, I know that the in between days are still going to need something. I can't do that sort of intensity 6 days a week - nor do I want to because it will become dull.

I have realized that while I have a lot of weight to lose and I generally lose it pretty slowly, I am okay with it. Honestly, it hasn't been very slow to this point, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about, so I want to just keep eating so I'm not starving (which I haven't been starving, so no need to start), develop a solid exercise habit (even if it changes now and again to new exercises), and feel better. Yes, I want to lose weight, and yes I want to be healthy - but I have been both overweight and healthy, so the health is far more important to me than the actual pounds. 

As I have told myself in the past, this is not a "diet" in the traditional sense, but a change of habits. I have to eat at least 3 times a day, and I don't know why that seems to be so difficult for me. I suppose when one has developed habits of eating once a day, it just needs to be rearranged. I've done well for the last month eating 3-4 times a day, so I believe it is possible, even with an insanely busy schedule, to make it happen. I have lost about 18 pounds to date - pretty incredible.

I look forward to the changes ahead and seeing my body morph into what I know it can be. 

No April Showers to Clean My Dirty Bikes

Much like life currently, my bikes are an absolute disaster. When I whined a bit the other day to Sam that my Hillborne just isn't shifting properly, he commented that it is absolutely filthy and that all of the grime and lack of grease on the chain is likely causing the issues. Really? I have to clean this thing? Okay, really I do understand that everything requires a good scrub every now and again, but I've just allowed time to pass by without realizing it's been more than a year since I've taken the time to clean him. Poor Tony!

This photo does not do justice to the level of dirt currently on the Hillborne

The Pacer isn't much better, and honestly, I'm scared to pull him out of the bike storage. We've had some lovely days, so there's no reason I can't ride him again, but I know the tires are completely deflated, he is also quite dirty as I didn't clean him before I put him away after our last ride in December, and I wonder what sort of work awaits me in regard to getting him back in shape.

Even though the bikes are dirty and in need of some tuning, I am thoroughly enjoying the unseasonably warm temperatures and being able to ride pretty much daily at this point. I'm trying not to get too used to it though as Colorado is known for teasing its citizens with lovely spring days and then turning and dumping a good bit of snow on us, so while I enjoy the nice weather, I am remaining cautious about what is still to come this month - after all, it is the cruelest month. Anyone else in need of bicycle maintenance or cleaning? It seems to just sneak up on me and then - bam - hits me over the head.

Stress is a Killer... Let's Set Goals Instead!

Oh, dearest readers... I seem to be failing you repeatedly. Try as I might, posting has just taken the absolute lowest rung on the ladder for me. In three very short weeks, I will be exhibiting my thesis show, and while I am completely elated about the exhibition, I am... well, stressed.  I feel somewhat (somewhat) prepared for the actual show itself, but not the oral review board I must face just three days after the opening reception. I am confident (at least for the moment, though this does admittedly change from hour to hour, and day to day) about my choice of subject matter and feel as though I can defend it, but I've already met half of the review board and I will say that they scared the bejesus out of me. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't more than a little intimidated.

If you happen to be in the Denver area, please feel free to stop by. One of my show cards is posted above with details, but there will be more than 20 individuals showing in this particular exhibition so it should be a good one. For those who aren't close enough to make it, never fear, I'm sure I will post pictures at some point after the exhibition.

In all of this, I had an idea and I thought perhaps others would like to join me, so I'm going to share my thoughts here. If it sounds like something that would work for you, please do join in, and if not, that will be just fine too. 

A few months ago when my mother was out visiting, we were going through some old photos and I spotted one of myself when Sam and I were on vacation in mid-2006. I was a bit disgusted with myself that I have slowly allowed weight to creep on to my body. Mind you, I've never been a tiny person and I never will be, but when I saw that photo of myself as I was training to run my first marathon, I realized that I really have allowed a busy schedule and hectic life to take its toll in pounds on my body. A few weeks ago I decided that I'd had enough and went to work on carefully recording my food intake and exercise. It was a big shock for me to realize how many calories I was consuming, even though most days I was eating only one meal. The problem was that the one meal would consist of whatever was easy to find, and in larger quantities than necessary (not to mention the fact that eating one meal a day is just unhealthy in itself). I went back to my "training days" philosophy and started eating oatmeal in the morning (even if I don't have time), and trying my best to eat good, whole foods. Last week, I joined a local kickboxing class as well. Although I have been riding my bike, the rides have been less than 15 mile rides and I simply loathe the gym as a routine, so I had to find something to keep my interest. Now, I can ride my bike to the kickboxing class, and then ride on the off days as well.

So, what's the deal?  Well, I will first state that I am absolutely NOT a proponent of pushing weight loss on others, nor do I wish to be the scale nazi, nor do I think that beautiful people come in only one size (for the record I am perfectly happy being larger, but there is a limit to how overweight I want to be - and I have exceeded that limit)...however, I also know that it helps me with my goals when I have someone to be accountable to, or at least a small group that is trying to achieve something as well. So, I thought we could do a kind of contest that begins on Sunday, April 1, 2012 (no, it's not an April Fool's joke, but I thought it would make it convenient to end it on September 1 for an even 5 months, so it just works out this way). 

Here is what I am thinking, but please feel free to provide input and we can modify as necessary or appropriate. We will have a "contest" <-- (I hate to use that word, but I think it might work to call it this) in which anyone/everyone may participate. There would be four monthly mini-goals, and then the final five month mega goal. The actual requirements of the contest will be self-generated - meaning, if you want to lose 10 pounds in five months, that is fine, or if you want to be 2 minutes faster on your bike sprints in 1 month that is great too, or whatever your personal goal may be. The only requirement is that you list a goal for each 1st of the month (so: by May 1, June 1, July 1, Aug 1, and finally Sept 1 you will accomplish "X" goal), and then check in with your progress by the first of the month. It can be the same goal with modified results (such as "I want to cover 5 miles more on my bike by 5/1, and then 10 miles more by 6/1), or a completely different goal each month - the decision is yours.

To help get it started, I will list mine here. Please feel free to put yours in comments. I can even put them all into a post as of April 1st, so that it's something that's easy to find if anyone thinks that is easier.

For G.E.:

As of May 1: Complete kickboxing class without having to stop for air (man, that is one tough class!)

As of June 1: Lose 10 pounds (I don't think 5 lbs a month for my level of chubbs is unreasonable)

As of July 1: Have current jeans falling off of me, forcing purchase of new jeans (yay for new clothes!)

As of Aug 1: Complete a 50 mile bike ride (this is a big deal for me b/c my hands generally can't hold out more than about 35 miles, even after training for several months)

As of Sept 1: Lose a total of 25 pounds from start date of April 1st

Of course this is all on the honor system, but I would hope if you're making the decision to participate, you want to complete the goals, so it doesn't benefit you to make up information. If anyone wants to submit before/after pics, I am happy to take those via email (endlessvelolove {at} gmail {dot} com), or anything else you'd rather submit via that means is of course fine too. As far as a prize (let's face it, it's not a contest unless there's a prize), I'm still debating this, but I am thinking about little first of the month prizes and then a final prize at the end. The problem is I'm not entirely sure how to judge these because the goals will be different for everyone. Anyone have suggestions? I'm thinking a cash prize would be nice for the final big goal, but I'm not absolutely set on that, so please feel free to throw in your ideas. What about little mini prizes in between? What would help keep you motivated? We could always do a vote for who should win each month, or do a randomly generated winner as with the holiday giveaway. I really am open to ideas for all of this, so please do chime in.

Finding Kickboxing

About a year or so ago, the woman who cuts my hair and I were chatting about life and we rolled somehow onto the topic of exercise. I was telling her that I used to take a "real" kickboxing class back in the mid-90s, and have been unable to find a class like that again. I've been to plenty of the cardio-kickboxing type of classes, but it's simply not the same as having an actual bag to kick and hit. A wonderful stress reliever, if truth be told. She mentioned that she had been attending a kickboxing class just down the street for awhile now and that I should come by and check it out. That's just what I did...

A year later. Okay, so perhaps I'm not the quickest responder of calls to action, but I got there eventually. Sometimes people just need time to figure things out for themselves, and for me, it took about a year to get my rear physically to where it needed to be. Today was that first class. Having taken kickboxing before (though many years ago), I knew I would be sore after the class, but even having that knowledge, I wasn't prepared for the pain that awaited me. I had been warned by other attendees to be prepared for a diet of ibuprofen for the next several days to help alleviate some of the aches. I'm not much of a pill taker (even aspirin), so I really didn't want to go down that road. However, after a short amount of time feeling the pain, I went ahead and gave in to the suggestion.

This class is going to be awesome. The owner allows a week of attendance to figure out whether or not it's the right thing for the individual, but I can tell that this is exactly what I am in need of right now. It's not the cheapest thing ever, but at the same time, can I really put a price on health? I feel like I have found my exercise home. Even if it doesn't last long term, I can sense that this is setting me down the right path.

Here's to exercise - and all those wonderful, wonderful endorphins that come along with it!

That Was Fast

In 11 days, I have lost 10 pounds. I made a promise to myself that I would not remove my workout clothes (except for bed time/shower time) until I lost that amount of weight. It happened so swiftly that I almost think I should extend the goal. Perhaps not being able to wear "real" clothes was more motivating than even I thought it would be? Regardless, it's nice to have a few pounds off and see that there is potential for light at the end of the tunnel. I can't see the light just yet, but at least there is a tunnel, and how long can a tunnel really be after all? Maybe no one should answer that question as it could be discouraging.

We are slated to visit relatives in California in mid-August and I am hoping that I will be able to drop a significant amount of weight by that time. The biggest struggle is that I am aware of how my body works and although I have lost this initial weight quite quickly, it will slow down dramatically I am quite certain from this point forward. Still... we all must have goals to accomplish, and seeing judgmental relatives might just be the motivation I need. Ahh, judgmental relatives... motivating even the unmotivatable <-- Is that a word?

Fortunately, there is really only one judgmental relative, and unfortunately, it is my relative. I do my best to avoid topics that I know will start us down the path of judgment, but it's almost inevitable that within a relatively short span of time, I will either be 1) angry and defensive, or 2) in tears. Isn't that what vacation is really about - or maybe those are just my vacations.

On the up side, I have started my way down a healthier path and I've hit a marker that is a good start. Now, I just have to keep that motivation going and know that the rest will ultimately go as well.

Life Lesson: Cutting Your Own Hair

A few weeks ago, an incident took place that was oddly similar to one that happened to me as a pre-teen girl. I saw a woman with the most gorgeous haircut and decided that, rather than making an appointment with a trained professional (as most sane people would do), I was going to cut my own hair. I am aware that there are many folks out there who do this without issue, and being a creative type, I thought there was little harm I could do to myself by taking scissors to my own locks. I was wrong.

Fortunately, I kept them a little long, but they were quite uneven

Fortunately, I only cut a bang portion of my hair, rather than my entire head. I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking, but I do know that I was pretty ill that day, so I am convinced that the fever talked me into this momentary lapse in judgement.

They were a bit better if I tried to do something with them, I suppose

I knew one thing was certain:  I would be on the receiving end of a lecture at my next hair appointment. I spent several days prior to my appointment attempting hair dos to cover this little mishap, which resulted in a lot of very tight rubberbands close to my scalp (think: I Dream of Jeannie style dos). Bobby pins were the next stop in my attempts to repair the damage, and my scarves were used as headwear on cooler days.

Swept to the side seemed to work best, but then my grey roots started showing

The worst part was that I cut such a thick chunk it was nearly impossible to hide. I took some solace in the fact that my hair grows fairly quickly, and remained hopeful that this little incident would be remedied by my appointment, and certainly prior to the upcoming show opening for my thesis in mid-April.

I'm guessing that I'm not alone in this and that there are others who have had similar situations, whether self-inflicted or at the hands of someone else? Or, perhaps I am truly the only one on the planet over the age of 13 who would even attempt this? While the pictures don't really show the devastation that actually took place, I can assure you, it was bad. When I arrived for my appointment about a week ago, I knew that I was in need of a haircut to save any semblance of appearing human for several months, so I came prepared for such an event.

Horribly fuzzy photos of the new hair

Sure enough, a haircut was recommended as the remedy for the self-inflicted scissoring of my hair, and while the pictures aren't great (my apologies), I figured I could prove that, in the end, it isn't so bad. I lost about a foot of hair (which in some ways was a relief), but learned a valuable lesson in the process: scissors should be left to the professionals, and certainly not used when one is ill.