|Those aren't rocks...I distracted myself with the massive amounts of Elephant Seals on the beach|
Adding to some of the strain during the visit, prior to my departure, Sam received news that a company in San Francisco wanted to speak with him about a job opportunity in that area. He had a couple of phone interviews and it was looking like they wanted to have him come out and visit in person. So, while I was in California, Sam made his own quick trip to the City by the Bay to see if this opportunity could be a good career move. It turns out they wanted to make him an offer on the spot.
I think we've both gone through a range of emotions. The opportunity is a fabulous one for Sam's career (and let's face it, being an artist and living near San Francisco isn't too shabby for me either), and as much as I will admit I've pushed at times to get back to the west coast, I've realized that we both consider where we are now to be home. Has too much time passed? Have we aged and now settled into a routine? Maybe we just actually like where we live, even if we don't readily see it that way all the time? As much as I want to ease both of our minds with a decision, I don't know if there really is a "right" answer to this question. Either decision will result in some feelings of loss. If he takes the job, we'll feel as though we're leaving our home; if he doesn't take the job, there will be those "I should have" feelings that undoubtedly surface. Honestly, although we've discussed both possibilities, my thoughts on the choice, and what we would do there ad nauseum, I truly believe this is his decision to make. That, however, doesn't prevent me from driving myself insane.
I find that I can very quickly and easily switch into the mindset of either option. I think about the move and know that it will have its challenges (including the dogs and I living with my mother for a yet-to-be-determined time frame), but also that it's an incredible opportunity to pursue (as in, we have no idea if this sort of opportunity would ever present itself again) and a potentially great place for me to be career-wise as well. In the abstract, it's easy to wish for something, but when it's actually happening, something seems to change and the reality of everything starts to sink in to the equation. It's no longer an "if," or an arbitrary daydream; this is concrete, and real, and very much possible. I'm unfocused/distracted, unable to do much of anything, and just wanting to know what is going to happen (at least in the short term). It's one of the few decisions in our life together that I've wondered if there really is a "better" or "right" choice between the two options.
Ultimately, we are living in a bit of unknown for the time being, but I believe that the decision will make itself apparent, and soon. Either option has unknown possibilities and potential greatness, just as there is something to lose with either choice. I can't help but leave this brief post with a few quotes that are running through my mind:
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.
"Two words," he replied.
"And, sir, what are they?"
"And how do you make good decisions?"
"And sir, what is that?"
"And how do you get experience?"
"And, sir, what are they?"
"Bad decisions." - Unknown
"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. We must decide whether or not to accept our destiny." - Paulo Coelho