Today, while looking for some progress pictures of Sam, I happened upon some photos of myself that were not so fabulous. It's funny to me the feelings I had just a few months ago about seeing images of just my face, let alone a full body shot. While I still don't enjoy seeing photos of myself, I remember a very specific photo that I took in January of this year. I had been trying to find ways to get better angles with the camera so as to avoid looking overly fat. Let's face it though, when a person is fat, s/he is fat, and there's no hiding it.
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| This isn't the photo I was so upset about, but it's an interesting comparison as well. |
On this January day, I decided that I was just going to take as straight on a photo as I could without too much adjusting to simply see what I looked like. The result? I wasn't happy. I realized that I was becoming quite a behemoth individual and truly didn't like it. That said, I also didn't seem ready to take those feelings and do anything about it. Sure, I signed up for an online tracking system, but I wasn't using it. It was as though I was taking the first steps, but I just couldn't seem to commit to anything quite yet.
So, on to the photo. I specifically remember this photo because I was alone, at home, feeling pretty crappy about myself and just had to see - for the first time in a long time - what I had been doing to myself. I have far worse photos of myself, but something about this one just made me cry. I felt like a huge, round bowling ball. How could I have let this happen? I'm not sure... but I did. Then, yesterday, I was out working in my studio and took a picture of myself (actually because I was testing out the camera phone to see what it looked like - I'm in the process of documenting some things). As grumpy as I looked (and felt), it's as though my face got longer somehow. No more round head... it's sort of oval-ish now.
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| There is hope... some day, it will be even better - I hope! |
All of this to say that I'm making progress. It doesn't always show up on the scale, but I'll take the small victories where I can get them. I feel better now, and that's what really matters.
I'm slowly catching back up on my favorite blogs and I had to stop and say that I am so excited for you. I'm excited not just about your physical changes but that ~you~ are starting to see them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, reading about your journey is making me feel like it's time for me to take ownership of what I haven't been doing for my health. I won't say that misery loves company because I prefer putting a positive spin on things. Instead, I'll say that your struggles are similar to my own and that means they are perfectly normal and not that the world is out to get me/us.
You're a rock star. Really and truly.
Melanie,
DeleteSo glad you've made it home and hopefully you enjoyed your time! :O)
I don't think pushing anyone into their own journey is the way to go, so I try my best never to say to someone "You should _fill_in_the_blank." I know that when people have tried to force me into things in the past, it hasn't worked. I eventually get there, but I know it has to be on my own time. I think that many of us go through the same types of things, and it's sometimes nice to know we're not alone - as you said.
My losses have been somewhat slower than I would like or expect, but at the same time, I keep reminding myself that I have not put myself "on a diet," nor have I done things that I can't maintain. I want this to just be a life change so that I don't continue to have the same struggles over and over again. Hopefully, it works - even if it takes a bit longer. I suppose the journey itself is where we really learn about ourselves anyway. :O)
Thanks for saying, "Hi" and I hope you're doing great! :O)