Thursday, September 1, 2011

Sometimes You Feel Like a Flower, Sometimes Like a Weed

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and feeling as though someone drugged me before I dozed off last night. "Great," I thought, "I'm getting sick." I got up and surveyed the room. Despite it's completely disheveled state, the bed was definitely calling me back to it.
Man, I'm a messy sleeper... 
But, there was a day awaiting and much to be done. As I came to the front of the house, the dogs were anxiously awaiting the start of the days' routine. They expect to go to the park first thing in the morning to get a bit of a run in, but I just wasn't feeling it this morning at all.
While it's difficult for me to tell them we aren't going, I have a lot of work to be doing, and despite the fact that class was called off for the day due to the instructors need to leave town, I have things due tomorrow, such as this handwritten mess below for a "Medieval Manuscripts" class I'm taking. There's nothing particularly medieval about the assignment (other than perhaps torturing me needlessly), as I'm just supposed to copy by hand anything of my choosing.
The handwritten manuscript is started, but I have a long way to go to finish it.
The hand writing part of the assignment is fine, but it's time consuming because we have to utilize the same "prick and rule" process they did back in the day. I can't help but think that if we are supposed to be getting a complete feel for the process, shouldn't we have to use a quill and ink? And while we're at it, maybe we should raise some cattle, feed them, skin them, and dry their hides to make the paper? Okay, perhaps I'm just a bit grouchy about having to do such a tedious assignment, but I saw this sitting to the side and told the dogs they may not get their run this morning. Then, I saw my bike sitting in the dinning room (don't ask why it's in the dining room), and thought maybe my grouchy self needed a ride this morning.
I told myself that I have too much to get done today, but then I thought that maybe I'd accomplish more if I just cleared my head, so, off I went. The first thing I noticed is that I was feeling quite emotional this morning. The weather reminded me of the first day of school growing up on the central coast of California. It was always a bit chilly and humid, and the sky was almost always covered with clouds.
I tend to be more of a future-oriented person than one who lives in the past, but every once in awhile thoughts sneak in, particularly around holidays or annual celebrations. As I headed west on the Hillborne I started to tear up. I'm not sure I could say exactly why, but I suppose there was a kind of flood of memories and emotions that overtook me simultaneously. I didn't mind though - there was no one around, and I didn't have to be in a hurry to get anywhere. I kind of lost myself in thought and just let whatever emotions were going to come out rise to the surface. I pedaled harder, and then I'd slow down. The pace was all over the place, but I felt as though I was working through something. When I felt as though I needed to turn around and head back (after all, I do have things to accomplish today), I did just that. No sooner had I turned around when I felt a smile come across my face. Again, I have no idea why, but I felt happy just to be in the moment.
I couldn't help but look at this scene above and feel a connection. I thought to myself, "sometimes you're the flower; sometimes, the weed." I think it's true for almost all of us that we have days when we feel like the weeds - a tangled mess, sucking the life out of the vegetation trying to co-exist along side.
Then there are the times that perhaps we feel more like the flower - standing out from the crowd, looking and feeling strong. Neither is necessarily good or bad, and really both are helping to sustain life, but it's amazing how things can get so muddled at times.
This spider decided to make its web inside the flower, which, in itself is just a part of life. The flower doesn't seem to mind, and the spider has a place to catch a meal.
So, as I rode back home I decided that I am perfectly okay feeling like the flower or the weed, because it's all just part of the journey. If I have a day that seems like a tangled mess of things, I know that the next I may be feeling strong and able to help out someone else. Whether I'm feeling like the weed, the flower, or even the spider setting up shop, I am going to enjoy the moments and know that it's all just a part of the process.

Now where are those dogs of mine? Time to let them play.


  1. I loved this little glimpse into your life.

  2. :o) The messy bed is definitely a good glimpse into my life. I start out with it all made up and pretty, and by morning, every blanket, sheet, etc is on the floor. I feel bad for poor Sam. :o(


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