Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Finding My Way

About a week has passed now since the first day of the semester. I feel like a child constantly complaining about my distaste for the classes, the teachers, and so on. I can hear myself whining and get upset because I know that no one wants to hear it, least of all, me. I am trying to re-adjust my 'tude, I promise, or perhaps I should say I AM adjusting my attitude, because as we all know, there is no "try" in any aspect of life. One does, or s/he does not, and goodness knows I don't want to be the "do not" of the two choices. So, here I am, with a decision to make: either get on board with the grand plan, or get off and do something else. Since I have several thousands of dollars vested in the 'grand' plan, I feel as though I need to continue down the path to see where it takes me. As much as I would love to give up and just go back to the "miserable" jobs that have consumed so many days of my life, I think it would be a disservice to myself. I just don't complete things. That is the way my life has gone. When I've tired of something, or feel as though it's too difficult, I give up, and maybe, just maybe, this is the one thing that I need to see through to the end. While I don't believe in needlessly tormenting oneself, I believe there is benefit to me completing my degree, if for no other reason than to prove the naysayers wrong. I'm stubborn. Maybe I just need to find that stubborness, that three year old who was told not to touch the cacti, and chose to do so anyway to see why one doesn't touch the cactus, to be able to get through the next two years. I'm not sure, but I know the outlook needs to change or not only will I not make it through this journey, but I will be deeply in debt for no reason at all. While I could go on bellyaching or attempting to energize myself, I think that this is all that needs to be said for now. Tomorrow is a new day, and I can choose to enjoy it, or hate it, but the day will still go on - with or without me.

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