Thursday, March 6, 2014

Farewell (soon) to Colorful Colorado

I'm straining at the moment to find words to express all of the varying emotions taking place right now.  As mentioned in a previous post, the E.V.L. household will soon be in California (part of the household is en route as I type). It's strange to be in limbo - to know that my time is limited here, to know that I want to absorb as much as I can, do everything I can, and yet still want to be on my way so as to be a complete and reassembled family again. This is probably one of the few times in life when my uncontrollable desire to live in the future would be beneficial, and yet I cannot seem to call upon that skill when it is most needed.
*Image courtesy of Sam, as he travels west to new adventures.

We were having some minor repair work done on the furnace and one of the repair people commented on how great our house is and asked why we were selling it. Before I could answer, he continued to point out all of the things that he loved about our home. It was hard to hear because they are the very same things that I love about our home - the things that it has been easy to take for granted, even knowing that we did so much of the work ourselves to make it a place we would love. Why would we leave such a place? It's not at all difficult to question the why when in the midst of upheaval and not knowing what the outcome might be in the end, but I do believe that as much as we love our home here, there is something we will enjoy just as much over the horizon.

Personally, I've been struggling with how to say goodbye to a place that has been home for quite awhile. Not just our physical home space, but this area as a whole. When this potential moving idea started, I had put out into the universe that I really needed things to go smoothly with this move, and thus far, I have received what I had asked for in that regard (at least for the most part). Knowing that I would remain here in Colorado on my own to get things wrapped up is a bit intimidating, but we received several offers from others for assistance if/when it is needed. I am so grateful to have people in our lives who so willingly give of themselves. Let's face it, moving isn't fun and no one enjoys the process. It's nice to know that I will have some help, and if nothing else, someone to chat with during all of the packing and storing.

Throughout the craziness and seemingly never ending chores of this move, I have been thinking a lot about our time in Colorado. We have lived here for 11 years and I can't help but realize that we didn't always use our time to discover the things, places and people around us. In other words, I see that in some ways we took for granted the fact that we could always do an activity or visit a particular location another day. I don't ever want to take life or my surroundings for granted because we really don't know when something can change. When we first arrived in Colorado, we were discoverers, seekers, explorers, and sought out everything we could. Soon, we started settling into a bit of routine and found ourselves frequenting the same locations (that also happened to be closer to where we lived). I suppose this is no different than most would do when learning a new area, but it almost feels as though we got into a rut and stopped the exploration process. Of course, at some point it would likely slow on its own anyway, but there's almost always something new to find and enjoy, I think.

I was having a conversation one day with a friend and we were discussing the notion that there is "nothing to do or see here" in Colorado. Although there aren't necessarily as many things to do or places to explore as a larger metropolis, there's still quite a bit to do (especially when looking at the entire state and not just one small area), and I'm not entirely convinced that I took full advantage of the things, places, and activities at my disposal. I find myself preparing to leave with a bit of regret, wondering if I appreciated all of the beauty and greatness around me.

As we get ready (and soon) to start a new adventure in another part of the country, I keep reminding myself of the feelings I have right now, so that when I find myself getting used to or not appreciating what is around me in our new home, I will pause and ask myself if I'm doing what I should be doing. I want to be a different person. Well, perhaps I don't want to entirely change, but I want to let go of the things that sometimes hold me back or prevent me from reaching out to new people or places. I don't want to become satisfied with where I am and what I'm doing. I want to find beauty in the little things (as I do now), but continue to explore beyond my comfort zone. There's a lot to be found out in the world, regardless of where we live, and I can think of no better opportunity to explore than by bicycle.

So, as we prepare to depart, during my final weeks here in this beautiful state I am enjoying those last rides around the area and trying my best to take new routes and find new beauty, even as we stroll through March - which can typically be very bipolar with its temperatures and weather patterns. There's no time like the present to start new habits and I might as well enjoy the small amount of discovery time left in this area. Although I'm not quite done with my time here, there's a piece of me that is anxious to get things underway while simultaneously wanting to make time slow as much as possible. I've realized though that all I can do is live each day to its fullest and face potential challenges as they present themselves. I'm excited for what is to come, but thankful for the opportunity to say goodbye in a more leisurely manner.

10 comments:

  1. Congrats on your new adventure. We left California 13 years ago for Colorado, and it finally feels like home. Good luck & safe travels.

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    1. It's amazing how long it can take for it to feel like home here. I think part of it has been that it seems like such a transient state, as people flow in and out over the years. I honestly didn't expect to be leaving, but we are ready for a new adventure. Who knows where it will take us?

      Thank you!

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  2. Been there. I can say with certainty that new adventures are stressful, but so worth it in the long haul.

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    1. If only the stress could be avoided. :O)

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  3. I have mixed feelings about all of this, but I'm excited for the future. I think it's going to be great. I also know that the knowledge and experience we have gained since being in CO, made this possible, and it also makes it very easy to come back.

    I also feel like we had taken a lot for granted, really for the last 5-8 years living there, and it's really unlike us.

    I'm very glad that the current stresses are temporary, and will be over soon!

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  4. Best of luck guys, and welcome to the Left Coast!

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  5. I'm so sad we won't be able to see you before you leave! But know that you and Sam...and the kids ;o) have been in my thoughts for a smooth and safe journey and for much happiness in CA. I feel blessed that we got a chance to ride and hang out together. :) I'll be keeping tabs on you guys through the interwebs and perhaps someday will get a chance to see you during my many trips to CA! :)

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  6. I've only started reading your blog but it's quickly been one of my favs. I feel for you, I moved from NJ to CA (Sacramento) about 15 years ago and while CA is now my home I still miss NJ/NY and always well. I look forward to reading your new adventures in CA!

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    1. I'm sure that was a tough move to make. I think the coasts are so different from each other, but both are great in their own individual ways.

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